This is 32

           
Dear eighteen,

Today you turn 32. Did you ever think you'd see this day? At eighteen you have your entire life ahead of you. I wish that you would have slowed down and enjoyed the ride. You missed a lot of great parts of your life not being in the moment and trying to rush time.

There are so many things in life that I can't wait for you to find out about. People that won't be who they say that they are. Friends that are really foes and people who you thought were foes that turn out to be your best friends. I want to tell you about the low points and high points that round out your life. You've been through a lot, but you got through it.

You fell in love. He was the man of your dreams. Tall, dark and handsome. He taught you how to be a woman. It was he that brought you your first pair of high end shoes. You didn't want to tell him that you never owned anything that expensive in your life before. Somehow you know that he knew. He showed you things about life, amazing things that you still carry with you. You'll always love and appreciate him for that. All relationships are hard. But it was something about it him that made you stay. Even though, you never felt good enough, or pretty enough when you were with him. Your insecurities caused many sleepless nights.

"Are you cheating on me?" You constantly inquired. "No" was always the response he gave. You trusted his word.

At 24 you'll give him a child. A little girl you name Zana. She was born on her due date and throughout her life, she'll be right on time when you need her to be. She doesn't know yet because she's still so young, but she saved your life. She came at a time when life was so uncertain and your relationship with her father was at a standstill. You hoped she could save it. But it couldn't be salvaged. Instead, she gave you the strength to move on when it ended four years later. She helped you live for someone other than yourself. When you were on the cusp of ending it all, her image pulled you back from the edge. You still don't know how to thank her.

You'll learn that everything in life comes to an end. Relationships end, people die and even emotions as immense as heartbreak don't last forever.

You'll fall in love again. This time with a man that you already know. An old friendship turns into a new one and before you know it you're swept off your feet. This time it's different. No longer insecure and uncertain you dive into your new role of being a wife. You trust this man. He's humble, honest and he loves you flaws and all. At first, you have some trouble balancing motherhood and being a wife. Don't give up. Eventually you'll find your footing.

Joy of joys, you have another baby. A little girl that refuses to come out of your womb. She arrives two weeks later than she should. You literally have to force her out. You name her Aubrey. It means ruler of the little people. Her name suits her. A personality as big as she is small. She comes when your 30. A pivotal age for you. It's the age that you'll find your voice. It's the age when you, for the first time will look in the mirror and love what you see. It's the age when you'll learn to forgive others who have hurt you. But most importantly it's the age where you can finally be yourself. You're no longer afraid of saying No for fear of disappointing others. You'll say No and mean it. If Zana was your Genesis, then Aubrey is your Revelation.

I wish that I knew at Eighteen the things that I know now. Oh, the hurt I would spare you! But, I know that going through those things will make you into the woman that you need to be. The woman you are now. The woman that sits and is writing this letter is a survivor.

You're resilient and resourceful. You're steadfast and unmovable in your beliefs. If the world tells you to go left, you'll go right just so that you won't follow the path that everyone else is walking. The woman writing this letter is a go-getter and what she wants, even if it's out of her reach, eventually makes it into her grasp. She has the world at her feet, her children at her bosom and her heart sewn on her sleeve. She has a man that has made her believe in second chances and happy endings. She's surrounded by family and friends that keep her grounded, humble and laughing. She has strong sisters who keep her level headed and who show her that all things possible with a little bit of faith, elbow grease and lip-gloss. She has nieces and nephews that besides being children of her siblings, are her very best friends.

Her mother is her hero and champion. The woman who's wiped her tears as a child and as a woman. The woman who flew back 3,000 miles from California to New York just because you said "Mommy I need you." You have a father who is so strong and humble. The man who reminds you of your husband in the way that he takes care of his family with no need for fanfare. 

All in all, your life will have its highs and lows. It won't be easy. You'll cry many tears, lose many people and even lose yourself at one point. But you always bounce back. You're loved, admired and appreciated. You've eaten at the table of hurt and despair and refuse to go back for seconds.

This is your life. This is 32.