What playing with Barbie Dolls has taught me

As a young girl growing up in south Bronx, I played with Barbies. It was the only toy that I ever wanted. Every few months, to reward us either for good behavior or a particularly excellent report card, my mother would take my younger sister and I to the now liquidated Toys R us and let us pick out a new doll. We’d get home, rip the dolls from their plastic prisons and launch into the most outlandish situations and scenarios with our Barbie dolls.     

Our mother didn’t allow us to have male dolls. In her old school Caribbean mind, it would encourage sex play and obscene behavior between the dolls. Our next-door neighbors, Ronnell and Christina who owned Ken dolls would come over, with Barbies boyfriend safely hidden away and we’d play “house”, with Ken and Barbie dutifully taking on the role of Mommy and Daddy. Our idea of playing house was decorating, grocery shopping and organizing the many accessories we had for our dolls.                   

Playing with those dolls taught us so much about ourselves, even though at the time we didn’t realize that we were nurturing our desires through our Barbies. For instance, I had a proclivity for decorating the Barbie dream house that my sister and I shared. I’d move the furniture around every other day, adding light touches here and there of furniture pieces we either made out of paper or from left over pieces of wood that my carpenter father would bring home. Alvina, my sister was always in the kitchen, making fake food for us to eat. She was particular good at baking imaginary bread and describing the process in such details, that our mouths would water and our stomachs would rumble imagining her fake meals. By the time our kitchen timer would go off we’d have to break for real lunch.                    

Today, I love decorating my home. I enjoy making it feel comfortable and warm and inviting for others. My sister still has her strong desire for making meals. She’s replaced her fake cakes and breads with real and delicious ones.         

Playing with Barbies also allowed me to develop my personality. Timid in school, when I played with the plastic dolls I was allowed to be a version of me that I knew was inside and that would eventually come out as I got older and more reassured of myself. I would role play my responses to the other kids that would tease me in school because of my accent and not being as “in style” as they were. Being the children of Belizean immigrants, and new to the country my family hadn’t established themselves yet financially. My sister and I were always neat and well maintained but we didn’t wear brand names the way our other classmates did. Because of this we felt left out and were made to feel less than by our classmates. Through role play with my dolls I learned to assert myself and to never allow my lack of material possessions to deter me or bring me down. Even though my Barbie dolls were always in style and fashionable, I never envied their wardrobes. Since my mother rarely brought extra outfits for our dolls outside of what they came with, I learned to keep the dolls clothing neat and clean. When my parents did become more financially secure I remained humbled. The experience of caring for my Barbies and their items gave me an appreciation for my own things. Even with our new-found ability to buy designer clothing and shoes, my mom still frequented bargain stores with us. To this day, although I can afford expensive clothes, I stay true to my roots and purchase what makes me feel good regardless of the price tag or the designer. I believe that this a direct result of  playing with Barbies and learning the art of self-acceptance, self-control and being grateful. I strive to teach my seven-year-old daughter these same ideas.                          

The Barbie dolls that my sister and I and our friends played with in the 90s were really one note dolls. They sort of all looked the same, except for their outfits and accessories. They didn’t look like me or my friends. My friends were a spectrum of brown skin tones ranging from caramel to licorice. My friends were Latinas with curly hair and full lips. African girls with Kinky or curly hair and smooth almond complexions. My friends were boys who were short and stocky or tall and lanky, played soccer or basketball and wore hip hop clothing. The dolls of the 90s didn’t reflect me or those I hung out with. These dolls portrayed what was deemed attractive at the time. Blonde hair, blue eyes and unrealistic proportions. Dolls in itsy bitsy sizes that could have caused body dysmorphia if we brought into the idea that girls should be shaped like that. Dolls that could easily make us hate our skin color and hair texture because it’s not what was sold as beautiful. I remember how the black dolls that we did have looked as if they were put together hastily in the factory, not receiving the same care and attention to detail as their white counterparts. There were more white dolls than black dolls. These dolls had nude and creamy complexions that didn’t show the many shades of Melanin and black girl magic that was visible among my friends and myself.                 

Confronted with the issue and the fact that little girls were no longer interested in playing with dolls that they couldn’t relate to, Mattel launched a new series of dolls dubbed “The fashionista Barbie”. These dolls come in different shapes and sizes. Tall, petite, curvy, and slim. They also have different skin tones and nationalities. The manufacturer Mattel, states that “The Barbie Fashionistas dolls are a very fashionable tribe of friends who love expressing their unique personalities through their style.”            

I appreciate this move by Mattel because I want my multi-racial daughter to embrace who she is as a person. I don’t ever want her to try and fit into this worlds idea of what beauty is. Everybody is their own version of beautiful.  Everything about her is beautiful, from her natural curly hair to her smooth honey skin tone, her wide set eyes and wide smile. I want her to embrace her individuality, and her black girl magic. I am a huge fan of Brands that promote inclusion, such as Rihanna’s makeup line “Fenty Beauty”. The music Icon, a woman of color from Barbados, wanted a make-up line that was for all skin types, tones and textures. She saw how the Makeup industry exclusively catered to women of a lighter skin tone, and pretty much made only two foundation shades for women of color. Dark and light, as if we are all either one of those two skin tones. She realized that our skin comes in dozens of different shades and we should be able to wear makeup that is as diverse as we are.    

Mattel similarly went the route of inclusion with their new line of Barbie and Ken dolls. These dolls were clearly created with the idea that inclusion needs to be the new ideal. Nobody should be left out and Mattel does a great job of ensuring that all nationalities, styles and shapes are portrayed through these dolls.         

Realizing that the new generation of young girls and boys want toys that they can relate to, they were not afraid to reinvent a doll that was iconic, but that was also associated with unrealistic body goals. These Fashionista dolls are new goals. It’s important that little girls and boys see themselves in the toys that they play with. Whether it’s a Lego Duplo set, a Thomas the tank engine and friends toy or even a Ken and Ben Barbie Doll, children will relate to their toys in either negative or positive ways.  

The toys our children play with can either limit their abilities or foster their imagination and help them set standards and goals. Dolls are relatable. Barbies these days have different careers, fashion styles and come from many different cultures. Playing with toys set the stage for how our daughters and sons will communicate, and handle situations and people in the future. I am not of the belief that Boys should not play with dolls. Playing with dolls does not make a little boy gay, the same way that playing with toy trucks does not make a little girl a lesbian or a tomboy. It makes them a kid that wants to explore their imaginations and  push themselves socially, mentally and emotionally.            

I take the buying of Barbie dolls as an opportunity to teach her about the world around us the types of different people that live in this world. No two people are made alike. Even twins who may be identical in appearance are in essence two different people. The dolls and toys that she plays with should reflect this. Every time she picks out a new Barbie doll to add to her collection, we talk about what it is that she likes about the particular doll that she chooses. Some of her dolls are typical Barbies. Blonde hair and blue eyes. But, she also has a Barbie the color of caramel with cropped blond hair. She has a red head with green eyes, an Asian doll with Black hair and a punk rock doll with multi-colored hair. Her male dolls all look different as well. She has an original Ken, but she also has his dark skin pal with cornrows and his stocky buddy with the sharp cheekbones. She enjoys role playing and she has a vivid imagination that reflects how the world has changed and how the portrayal of Barbie has changed as well. Depending on the mood, one day she may be running a veterinary clinic with her dolls, opening a bakery or even putting on a fashion show. She has scenarios that places her dolls in schools, hospitals and even the runway. The other day after the death of my cousin, my daughter picked flowers from the park we pass every day on our way home and acted out an entire funeral scene with her dolls. It shows me that she pays attention, has feelings and uses her dolls to express what she may not know how to say out loud.      

As parents we should not take our roles lightly. Every opportunity that we spend with our kids is a chance to teach them about the world that we live in. Children relate to what and who they know. This starts with the toys that they play with. Role play is important for their development as children and teaches them about themselves. But, it can also teach us a lot about our own children. What do they talk about while role playing? What roles do they have the dolls portray? Use the opportunity to not only play with your child, but also to learn about them. You can gage a lot about what your child is feeling and what they may want out of life by just picking up a toy one day and asking them “Hey, do you want to play?”

My daughter Zana with some of her Fashionista dolls