I don’t need your validation, but thank you anyway

Going through life I’ve come to realize that as humans we depend too heavily on the validation of others to make us happy. This is a flaw of our human existence. A flaw of our innate desire to be liked by all, accepted by the masses and validated by people who wouldn’t spit on us if we were on fire. Im talking about validation here, not appreciation. Everybody should feel appreciated and anybody who does not show us appreciation isn’t worth our time. What we don’t need is validation. If somebody doesn’t agree with the way we feel, it doesn’t negate our feelings. If somebody doesn’t like the way we act, dress or even look, this shouldn’t discourage or make us sad. We don’t need the approval of others to shine. We shine on our own accord. 

But we may say that if this is the case, our not needing to be validated, why do we care so much what people’s opinions are of us? One answer. Because we’re human..  

It’s the way that we are made. Not all of us  though and many times whether we care or not comes down to the good old Nature VS. Nurture debate. But that’s a conversation for another time. The majority of us are emotional creatures who go through life with a built in desire to be generally accepted. Even if that means shrinking ourselves, not telling our own truth or the truth of another person. We protect the identity’s of our rapists, bullies and abusers, while going through an identity crisis of our own. Sometimes it means being in a relationship that is so one sided and unequal that if weighed, it would tip the
scale in seconds. For some it means being a “me too” victim. Allowing a man or woman to take away our voice by sexual, physical or emotional abuse. 

An entire generation of little girls and boys were taught that Daddy brings home the bacon and mommy cooks it. What about the saying that Women and children should be seen and not heard? Those little girls and boys who were taught these “facts” became mothers and fathers that taught this to their sons and daughters, thus creating a pool of chauvinistic males and shrinking violet women. 

I’m no shrinking Violet. I used to be. I used to crave and need validation. I allowed others to take my kindness for weakness and use it to their advantage. I allowed others to mold me into what they thought I should be. Now my name suits me. Rose. A flower so beautiful that poems have been written for it, parades have been held in their honor and sonnets composed. A self-protecting flower with petals delicate and soft to the touch but that comes with thorns for all who dare not to respect it and cross its boundaries. 

I have two daughters. Little girls who will become young women. I know that they will follow by my example. Good and bad. I want to make the best choices and decisions where they are concerned. Always remembering and keeping in mind that they will see what I do and hear about what they don’t see. 

Most parents want their children to fit in, because they know what the alternative is for children who don’t fit in. Every parent has a fear of their child being teased or bullied. Fear because we know that if someone so much as looks at our child wrong that we’re going to be on the ten o’clock news. But what cost will your child pay to fit in? If it’s at the cost of denying their own uniqueness, their quirks, freckles, buck teeth, overbite, glasses or natural hair then that price is too high. 

We have to teach our children that validation from someone else should never be the end goal. Inner peace, a clean conscience and happiness should be. Being true to ourselves and others should be. For parents raising well rounded children that will be an asset to society should be our goal. Let children be children and let’s teach them to pave their own way so that they don’t need validation from others. The way we feel about ourselves should always be enough. And if we have love and respect for ourselves and others, it will be.